I just got married 3 months ago. I am from the other country and my husband is american citizen. I come to you to seek for advise about my marriage life, being a step mother of a 11 years old girl. When I decided to get married I never thought it will be so hard for me to live like this. I am not too happy at home. My husband doesn't want me to get a job either so that I can be busy and not to be paranoid. I was so bored at home, I don't even allow to go out and meet friends. I am so sick here, Im lonely and miserable. My step daughter is grumpy, difficult and mean to me, and also to his father. She is spoiled kid and can control his father. I told him to discipline his child because I see how she yells, ignore and fights back to him. It affects my mood when I saw them fighting, and for some reason I feel left out when they get along. I told to my husband many times that he should tell to her daughter to interact with us. I want to do things together, and accept me as his father's wife. I do everything for them, all the things that a step mother or a wife's responsibilities at home. I had many fight with my husband and he said mean things to me and asked me if what should I do %26quot;We did not get along!%26quot;. I love him but he forced me to change my feelings for him and sometimes I think I should end this, had divorce, go back to my country, be single again, get a job, continue my career and move on.
There is some issue about ex's too. I feel jealous and was hurt so much. When I moved here our house was so messy. I dealt with his old things and see ex's pictures. Imagine your body was so tired cleaning those mess and also your mind! I asked him what should I do with those, he said throw it away, so I did. The following day he is blaming me about getting to his things. He is holding his phone 24 hours/7 days a week, in short all the time! When he is at home sometimes his phone rings but he doesn't answer the call in front of me instead he will go to our bathroom and I hear him talking to somebody else. I have not confronted him in this matter because I'm not sure if its right plus I don't want to start a fight. He leaves his e-mail account open many times but I did not read his e-mails until one day I feel suspicious about things. He forget he left his account open and I read some of his e-mails and found out he has still communication with his ex's. And also I found out that he is paying half of his ex car payment. He told me he was agreed to pay couple hundreds every month and she have 18 more months until its paid. I don't understand why he was blaming me that he was run out of money. I know he costs a lot of money for me to bring here, on the immigration fees, our wedding and etc. Now I know he has other expenses and it is not right to blame all of this to me. I tried not to cost him money, when we are at store I pick the cheapest item or sometimes i did not buy things but his daughter never stop asking buy me this, buy me that. His ex gf did not help him in thier daughter expenses and also she just spend a little time with her daughter. Just twice a week, maximum of 8 days a month. His own mother told me that he has %26quot;blaming things to other%26quot; attitude. I never knew that until I lived with him. He was blaming me and his mother about us telling him to discipline his daughter. Her mom lives in other state, but we have contact through mails and phone. I am always nice to his daughter and helping her sometimes if she asks to, because most of the time she wants to do things in her own way but i don't like to see she does it in the wrong way, and when you try to correct her, she gets so mad. I don't know what to do. I told her we are living in the same house and it is not good to be distant and mean to me. She is difficult to be with, even her parents and her grandma tells that. I asked my husband to have counseling and he said yes but he is not sure if his ex gf (the mother of his daughter) will agree to that, because she doesn't believe in counseling. For me and to my mother in law point of view they need to go to counseling, both parents and the child.
I'm alone in this country and i don't know anybody in our place. When I arrived here he stopped doing house hold even just to help me in simple things. I forced him to do vacuum the floor once because I am so tired and our carpet is dirty. I did not get married to be a slave and to be in prison! I have one thing I'm have not get over with. Before I move here and before we get married he told to me that there is a woman from other country to stay for three months in his house, she will be a nanny to her daughter and she will work for free, she just want to have place to stay, food to eat while she is in vacation. I agreed her to stay its because he promised that nothing bad will happen and he is not attracted to her and etc.. He told me that she was wearing short clothes and flirting to other guys in the beach or everywhere. I feel jealous because of what he Should I stay with a man like this? The best thing for you is to leave him and move back to your country. Keep your dignity and move on. I know it's a difficult thing to do. I suppose you love him, but don't you see he's a selfish person? Why should he pay his ex's car?He's married to YOU now. No one forces you to put up with this, no one forces you to always buy the cheapest things in order to make his ex happy. Why does he answer the phone in the bathroom?It means he has something to hide from you.
And I don't understand one thing, people.Why do you all choose a marriage counselor to solve your problems when you don't have the courage to confront your partner when there are things that bother you?
So if you really want that this situation change talk to him.Write a letter.This is a way by which you can get all his attention without being interrupt and make him think a little about you two.
Write him a letter where you can tell him what you need from him and ask him not to judge you but to understand you because you left everything to join him, to love him and feel loved by him and not to be his cleaning woman or just someone who can keep him company. If you do this, find a way not to say it harshly, but as someone who cares about him and wants him to be happy.But trust me when I say that you can't make him happy if you are not happy.
I wish you good luck!Should I stay with a man like this?Get out of there. Go back to your old life. Be happy again and stay away from bad men.Should I stay with a man like this?Sweetie, i am sorry but what are you waiting for to leave this jerk?...Should I stay with a man like this?If you live in an area where you can meet more people from your own culture. I think that would help you tremendously. Secondly, little girls sometimes do anything they can to keep their power over their fathers. As long as the parent refuse to see it as a problem it will continue and get worse, many times the child wins and the couple divorces. No you are not a slave and do not let yourself be treated like one. We women have a tendency to do that to ourselves. You really do need someone to talk to for your own sanity There really is too much going on for you to be forced to deal with it all alone. If it's love it will allow considerations for you too.Should I stay with a man like this?Seems he married you to be chief cook, housekeeper, babysitter and as you said it slave. He's not interested in solving the problems you have with him or his daughter. I would suggest, you pack your bags and go home. In the long run you will be much happier.Should I stay with a man like this?It seems so easy to just say YES leave him. You married this man for some reason...and I believe it was for love. I am sorry that things are turning out the way they have since you married him. It doesn't seem like it is just that cut and dry for you to pack your things and leave. Maybe you should see if you can find a counselor or someone professional that can give your some advise, or at the very least help you work through some of these issues. In the end it's going to have to come down to talking things out with your husband, but, if that's not where things are at this time. Then get yourself together and get the support you need. Once you can see things outside the box, you'll be able to make your own decisions on what you should do. Good luck!Should I stay with a man like this?who told you you could move to a different country and run his life? your mom? your friends? you will never change him, so deal with the man you so readily took vows with or go back home, you make it sound like he and his daughter are all the trouble and you are an innocent person, well you are an immigrant, either fall in line or move back. I am an American, if I moved to Austria can i expect things to go my way in a few months? or ever?Should I stay with a man like this?please leave, i feel he doesnt respect u enough, get help! dont be afraid!Should I stay with a man like this?sounds like he wanted a trophy more than a wife and that he was looking for someone to make his ex jealous. You sound like a really nice person but this is not the guy for you. Should I stay with a man like this?Honey, I believe you should always try to work things out in a marriage but one person can not do this alone. Your husband sounds like a very selfish person. It is so disrespectful to go to another room and chat on the phone. He obviously still hangs on to his ex...and his daughter sounds like a nightmare. I know it may be hard...but if this continues I would find a support group from your country and get a job and make plans to be on your own. Your husband can not really expect anyone to be treated like a possession and not want to get out of that relationship. I wish you the best!!
