For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher
about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the
unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no
comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the
impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, %26quot;Tommy, whatever
has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?%26quot;
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, %26quot;I think Mommy ate it!%26quot;
======================================?br>
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, %26quot;What is three times three?%26quot;
%26quot;274,%26quot; is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to
the second man, %26quot;It's your turn. What is three times three?%26quot;
%26quot;Tuesday,%26quot; replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, %26quot;Okay,
your turn. What's three times three?%26quot;
%26quot;Nine,%26quot; says the third man.
%26quot;That's great!%26quot; says the doctor. %26quot;How did you get that?%26quot;
%26quot;Simple,%26quot; he says, %26quot;just subtract 274 from Tuesday.%26quot;
======================================?br>
4th RunnerUp
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a
figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to
spin dangerously fast.
3rd RunnerUp
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means the Chinese cannot use
acronyms; thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate.
2nd RunnerUp
The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn to equalize the
pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it
all out.
1st RunnerUp
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all
the world's great literary works in Braille.
HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is absolutely
constant. If consonants are omitted in one geographic area, they turn
up in another. When a Bostonian %26quot;pahks%26quot; his %26quot;cah%26quot;, the lost r's
migrate southwest, causing a Texan to %26quot;warsh%26quot; his car and invest
in %26quot;erl wells.%26quot;
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its feet; and when toast is
dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered side down. Therefore, I
propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped,
the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into
eternity. A %26quot;buttered-cat array%26quot; could replace pneumatic tires on
cars and trucks, and %26quot;giant buttered-cat arrays%26quot; could easily allow a
high-speed monorail to link between New York with Chicago.Another j o k e?Thanks for making my day funny....A smile is worth more than treasures.. Thanks..
Some people have no sense of humor....
Do you think people with no sense of humor have more wrinkles??Another j o k e?d first 2were funny but when it got 2 d bottom dere were just lame and dry!pls water ur jokes!Another j o k e?Wow i can't believe i actualy read that whole thing. you have no life. Do you?Another j o k e?i dont feel like reading!
thats to long... i dont have that longAnother j o k e?The first one was funny. lol But the rest sucked.Another j o k e?lol :)Another j o k e?the first and second ones were SO FUNNNNNNY! lol yes, but the last few werent very funny at all. of course, the last one was pretty funny because it was stupid.Another j o k e?i liked the first and second one but... the other one had to many big wordsAnother j o k e?i liked %26quot;mommy ate it%26quot;...and the migrating r's. :)Another j o k e?funnyAnother j o k e?yawnAnother j o k e?i got a very good laugh thanksAnother j o k e?booo! that waz so lame r u lonely or somethinAnother j o k e?they werent funny buddy,i didnt even get them, they sucked balls
