my mother is living with a man who is a drunk and a pot head. She is 49 he is 38. She is much older than he. He steals her rent money, beats her up, he chocked her and quits all his jobs and uninates on her. She cried to me, please help me I had you and your sisters i dropped out of high school I have a 2ed grade education and I am just a maid making 7 dollars an hour working 40 hours a week. I can't make it on my own please help. So I don't have much myself being a student and all. He went to jail twice for abusing her. So I bought my mom a car and a 2500 dollar trailer. She said if I did this for her she wouldn't need him anynore the lot rent was only 250 a month. She makes 800 a month. Anyways I spend 7 grand on her just for her to move him back in after i did all that for her when I was suppose to get her away from him like she promised me. I felt used and hurt. She promised me that she wasn't intentionally using me but I feel like she did. Anyways she moved him in a week later then he went back to jail for strangeling her. While he was in jail she asked me for 90 dollars and a new hot water tank and promised me it was over. When he got out of jail he moved back in again after she promised me. Now she got a hot water tank out of me. Then she found out he cheated on her and still let him sleep with her and come over. i feel so hurt and used. She does seem to be up and down with her emotions and she does seem to be some what bipolar but I am not sure you know. I feel like I don't want to talk to her anymore. My and my husband are going threw our own problems with the economy being down and all. Meanwhile , she doesn't call and ask me how i am doing she calles everyday with her drama and her asking me for things. I feel that she is rude, uncaring for my feelings and a completer screw bag and a loser. I don't want to talk to her anymore. She is my mother but she treats me horriblly what would you do in this situation and how would you handle this. I can't talk to her because she will tell me that she will kill herself and don't worry i wont talk to you anymore and she over reacts and doesn't care she boo whooos and it's all about her and she will just care about herself so it's not worth talking to her she doesn't care and wont change I have tired to get her help and on meds and she refuses. Please help me.. I am so hurtWhat would you do please help is she using me or not?You poor thing - you're being the parent while she acts like a little girl.
Honestly? I don't think her partner is the only one doing drugs - her mood swings, from up to down, ranting about killing herself, etc. She really does sound like she's abusing some sort of substance (drugs, booze, ...). Or she's bi-polar.I'm afraid I don't think you can do any more. She has to accept responsibility for her actions, her choices and her life. Possibly all you could do would be to report the violence to the authorities (though it sounds like that's already happening?).
Apart from that, it looks like you've tried everything. Sure this woman gave birth to you, but you don't owe her a liftetime of servitude because of this. She's abusing her position as your mother, and abusing your love for her. You cannot trust her at her word and if she cannot see that she needs to leave her man (it could be that he supplies her with drugs which feeds her addiction to them as well as to him?), you cannot do that for her.
You're quite right to feel used. My recommendation is to cut all contact with her. She's not going to kill herself - even if she did, her life is in a downward spiral of her own doing, and you would not be responsible for anything. Devote yourself to yourself, your husband and your financial struggles - you have enough to deal with without someone who is supposed to love you, exploiting you like this.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. Big hugs to you :-)
