I%26#039;ve been a single mum from the start with my son, who is now 10 months.
One thing I never prepared myself for, was being constantly crippled with fear over harm coming to him. I think what I%26#039;m experiencing is much greater than the average motherly fears for her children. I%26#039;m constantly sick with worry to the point where I can%26#039;t sleep, over house fires, bombs, intruders, cars crashing into the house, planes crashing into the house, earthquakes (absolutely ridiculous and illogical as I live in Britain), everything. The fear is worse at night in that it is on my mind 100% of the time, I stay online until 4am ish most nights because I%26#039;m so scared to go and lie awake in my bed in the dark. It%26#039;s there in the day too but only usually when I get thinking about it or hear a loud plane fly over or loud car drive past or a loud bump or anything. I can get on with things in the day but at night it%26#039;s just hell. I%26#039;ve been like this since the beginning of February. I can%26#039;t believe there used to be a time in my life before the %26#039;fear days%26#039; and how I could go on living so calmly knowing of all the risks. I know I sound crazy. I just can%26#039;t comprehend or accept the fact that something out of my control could happen to my son. When I%26#039;m with someone else I don%26#039;t feel half as scared, and trying to analyse myself, I wonder if it%26#039;s perhaps because I don%26#039;t have the protective arms of a man around me and the responsibility of protecting my son is all mine and I find it so huge to deal with.
I don%26#039;t suppose anybody else has experienced anything similar for this period of time?
It%26#039;s killing me, it%26#039;s ridiculous. I know that I can%26#039;t control what happens and so I may as well just live my life without ruining it with all these fears. But what my head thinks and what my heart feels are two completely different things. I%26#039;ve tried so many techniques to snap out of it, and nothing%26#039;s working. I think I asked a question about this many months ago when it first started, and everybody%26#039;s responses were to see the doctor. But I can%26#039;t do that - my doctor is an absolute jerk that doesn%26#039;t %26#039;believe in%26#039; anything other than plain textbook medical illness. This is also the guy who refused to believe I was pregnant and then advised me to get an abortion when I proved I was due to my age (then 19) and still referred me to an abortion clinic without my knowledge even when I insisted I wasn%26#039;t going to do that. I can%26#039;t trust him, and getting another doctor isn%26#039;t an option, you can%26#039;t just change your surgery here when you feel like it and plus I need to be at the surgery in my village so I can get there easily when my son needs to go as I don%26#039;t drive, and the 3 doctors within that surgery don%26#039;t like you chopping and changing within them, and they%26#039;re all as rubbish as each other.
Ahh, sorry for the ramble, I%26#039;m just going crazy here and don%26#039;t know what to do. There%26#039;s nothing particularly worrying about tonight, I%26#039;m not sure why it%26#039;s all spilling out now. This is just dominating my life. It%26#039;s literally like I have a phobia of everything. I am constantly tired and not on best form in the day because I get so little sleep at night because of it. And I%26#039;m certainly not interested in sleeping pills or any medication.
Just wondering if anybody had any personal experience or any advice they can share that doesn%26#039;t involve the words %26#039;see a doctor%26#039;?!Does anybody ever feel this? Single mums especially? Am I crazy?I%26#039;ve been through the same thing my worst time was at night when I would lay on the couch (too scared to lay in the bedroom) and I would stay up until the sun came up because I was scared that someone would break in or the house would catch on fire and I wouldn%26#039;t be near the front door. I was diagnosed with post partum depression and went to treatment. Being scared at night had a lot to do with not having anyone hear to %26quot;protect%26quot; me like a man or some family member. If you don%26#039;t want treatment from a dr. then the only thing I would know to do is to ask a family member or friend to stay with you at night so you can sleep betterDoes anybody ever feel this? Single mums especially? Am I crazy?The best I can advise is to think back to when you were a kid and all the times you hurt yourself and just bounced away from it. Put yourself in your son%26#039;s shoes and maybe you%26#039;ll relax a little. :)Does anybody ever feel this? Single mums especially? Am I crazy?I am a single mother and what I do is just remember when I was a child and I didn%26#039;t care much about the bruises and such. I also make sure my children wear helmets on bikes.Does anybody ever feel this? Single mums especially? Am I crazy?When I was 21 long before I had babies of my own I was on a high way to self destruction. Booze,drugs,strings of abusive boyfriends. Then I decided to clean up my act and checked into rehab. As I was dealing with my emotions and problems and recalling my hellish childhood I started getting these compulsive feelings much like you describe. It was a nightmare. I was scared to leave my house. I was scared of germs and of dying. I couldn%26#039;t shake the thoughts that someone was going to kidnap me and torture and murder me. ( I also watch entirely to much crime TV shows) I was finally diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder.
The phrase %26quot;obsessive-compulsive%26quot; is often used in an offhand sense to describe someone who is meticulous or absorbed in a cause. Such casual references should not be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is also important to distinguish OCD from other types of anxiety, including the routine tension and stress that appear throughout life (Wikipedia, 2005).
Obsessions are thoughts and ideas that the sufferer cannot stop thinking about. Common OCD obsessions include fears of acquiring disease, getting hurt or causing harm to someone. Obsessions are typically automatic, frequent, distressing, and difficult to control or put an end to by themselves. A sufferer will almost always obsess over something which he or she is most afraid of. People with OCD who obsess over hurting themselves or others are actually less likely to do so than the average person.
It is treatable with therapy and medications. I mean I don%26#039;t want to say see a doctor but can you seek therapy. I am not to sure how your health care system works.
ok check out this website for info and do a search of obssevie disorder.
http://www.stonebriarca.com/articles/2-4
Does anybody ever feel this? Single mums especially? Am I crazy?This sounds like you have gone past normal worries into paranoia, severely enough that I think you should seek counselling or other treatment. It%26#039;s getting to the point where it is interfering with your normal life.
Remember those days before the fear? Don%26#039;t you want to get back to that? It will be better for you, and far better for your son, if you have a balanced outlook on life. I know a woman who thinks much in the same way as you do (perhaps not as strongly, but still) and has pretty much instilled those fears in her daughter as well, to the point where a 12 year old is too terrified to be home alone for two hours before her mom gets home from work. For yourself, and for your son, you should seek treatment. Both of you will be happier and healthier.
