For those of you who responded to my first post thanks. But the last 2 paragraphs are new. So any response would be appreciated
This is what I would like out of this post.
I would like to know if anyone can relate to my issue and how they deal with it.
Or if anyone has any ideas to help me deal with.
The issue is inside I feel like blowing up and leaving her but blowing up will not help because she will just think I owe her an apology and leaving her is not an option.
Below are the details.
So a while back I had to buy a new car. I did not have much money. So I bought what I could afford. It was a really small car that came with an warranty and payments that I could afford. The car was made in 2007 (I brought it in 2008) This car does not have air conditioning and because of the size of the car it slips and slides during the winter very easy.
So today, I told my wife that I was worried about driving it in the winter. She said that I choose to buy the car. She has said this in the past.
We used to share our money but we do not any more. I by myself paid over $13,000 of our credit card debt. While we shared out money we paid $10,000 of the car together. I paid the other $20,000 on my own. The car was $20,000 and with interest it was $30,000. She drives this car every day. So all in all I paid $43,000+ of our debt all by myself.
Every time I say something negative about my car (which is not often) she will say I chose to buy it. I always remind her that I brought what I could afford. And the she say %26quot;O stop it%26quot; or Don't start an argument%26quot;
I am so upset because I spend very little money on myself, I do not go out to eat, I do not buy anything from gas stations, I do not go to movies, basically I do not go out. I can go a month with spending less than 5 bucks on my self. On top of that I pay much more of the monthly bills than she does plus I paid off the $13,000 of credit card debt. As far as the car and the debt payments she not even offered to help.
Also on the last 3 tax returns we each got over a 1000 and all of mine went to bills. And she brought cloths went out to eat a lot basically she had a lot of fun. This weekend she went out to eat 5 times. In fact the only time she ate at home is when I made breakfast.
I am so tired of her not paying any part of OUR DEBT. This is her debt too. She spent the money that put us in to debt too.
I make more money than her but I pay much much more bills after I pay all the monthly bills I have less money than she does.
Leaving her is not an option.
I try to get her to understand the reason I brought the car.
It would make me feel better If she would just say that was nice of you to buy the car that was affordable while letting me drive a 20,000 car and not asking me to pay for any of it.
The issue is inside I feel like blowing up and leaving her but blowing up will not help because she will just think I owe her an apology and leaving her is not an option.
Can anyone give me any words to feel better or can anyone relate?
Sharing our money is not an option either. When we did share our money she spent even more. I could not stop her because she had a credit card and checks to our accounts. She would by more cloths and eat out more, she would buy her friends expensive birthday and X-Mass presents. She would often get her nails done. And $150 on her hair very often.
The last straw was. She wanted to get her hair done and I was ok with it. I saved my money for a month. And that was about $160.00 and after that we went to the store and while we were shopping she asked if she can get her nails done. I got a bit upset and said we just spent all kinds of money on your hair. Well she got mad and said %26quot;God I never get to buy anything!%26quot;
When we shared our money that is when we went $13,000 in debt. Actually it was over $20,000 but I was able to talk the collection agencies down to $13,000Please help - I need to know how to feel better. I can't really change the situation.?Man I feel for you. Finances are a common point of strife in marriage. It sounds like something my wife would say about the car. I have complained about my job in the past and she always said, %26quot;You are the one who chose it.%26quot; Well that's true, but she could have said, %26quot;I know you work hard and it's tough, but I appreciate you supporting me and the kids%26quot;. I don't think it's fair for a spouse to just say, %26quot;you are the one that.....%26quot; Spouses are suppose to be allies, not prosecutors or persecutors! As far as the money thing goes, all you can do is talk to her about your feelings and try to express your concerns to her. A marriage should not be one sided in any area in my opinion. If she doesn't change after you express your needs or desires (providing they are reasonable), then it may be time to consider your other options. I'm curious on why you said leaving is not an option. If nothing else worked, would you being obviously unhappy be an option? It's tough, man. Good luck to you.Please help - I need to know how to feel better. I can't really change the situation.?You seem very mature and well grounded.
Show her this post, get therapy, do anything and everything to try and save this marraige if it does not work then you know what you need to do.Please help - I need to know how to feel better. I can't really change the situation.?I repeat: you need a budget. Which means that you come to an agreement that you and your wife have to limit your expenses. In other words, after all the regular bills are paid and you have tossed your credit cards, you and she will have just so much money left that you can spend. There is no other way. You will have to get your expenses under control. I also disagree on your stand on what options are available to you. If you are not willing to quit the relationship - and moneys are the main cause of divorce - you will have not leverage. So think about it: take the bull by the horns or quit.Please help - I need to know how to feel better. I can't really change the situation.?Maybe the two of you should go see a financial counselor or a financial planner. They will spell it out in black and white to her. Maybe tell her if she wishes to have the extras...like nails and very expensive hair care...then she needs to get a part-time job to pay for it. You sound very smart - stick to your guns. She does need a reality check though - definitely do financial counseling! Sounds as if she is looking at you as a stickler...Mr. Meanie..whatever. But if an ousider is to tell her the same things you have been telling her, she is more likely to see the reality of your situation.Please help - I need to know how to feel better. I can't really change the situation.?If my husband ever came home with a car without air conditioning I wouldn't let him live it down either. Why did you pick out a car without your wife it seems to me like you make all the big decision without her and that isn't fair. Getting on her every 5 minutes about her spending doesn't help don't you know when you do that it has the reverse affect. You seem to be a little controling and she does seem a little selfish. What woman isn't we'll all a little selfish we like nice things new clothes. Women like to be pampered and in return we pamper you that's our way of compromising. About the car I understand the need to get a car you could afford but why not get a a 06 so you could get air conditioning.
