If it weren't for the car Carlos decided to rent, I would have probably quit, go back home because walking was a major damage to my feet, it tired them. The Seven Stars was only a kilometer away from where the car was standing now and the excitement (what i would see), and fear (what i would meet) within me was bigger than ever.
I've been here,in Paradise, for a while, and no one ever considered telling me the good and bad stuff that could occur, especially the only person that is with me right now, Carlos. One of the bad things was vampires, but what about the rest, and how do you bite the bullet?
%26quot;Were here,%26quot; Carlos said. I looked out the window, the excitement now gone, what the hell was this? Behind he huge golden revolving door that came into view in all the other places we glided by, was a building; only one superstructure. Its logo, The Seven Stars, and its circumferential, nothing but greenery and the same headstone that Paradise had, an Angel mother with child.
%26quot;This is the Seven Stars?%26quot; I asked.
%26quot;Yes, its the school you are going to attend.%26quot;
%26quot;And what, if I want to go shopping, I'd have a two day trip, again?%26quot; I said, reconsidered and added, %26quot;a two day and night trip?%26quot;
%26quot;Actually, there's a mall in the school.%26quot; Carlos said and smiled at the change of my mood.
Who would ever imagine a plaza in a school would be possible? I mean, students would probably skip classes to be in there, unless it is closed of course. The ideation of having a shopping center a few steps away from where you're standing, was giving me a hard time, since I was still standing here and not picking out some new outfits.
The gate opened, and feelings of joy surrounded me, thanks to the mall. Someone came and took the car away, leaving us to enter by foot. I looked right, then left, trying to see what else this place might have to make it even more perfect but my gaze immediately locked on the headstone. I felt like a rope was tied to my waist, pulling me to go to that statue, and as if there was, I was walking towards it. Something was different, something that I couldn't explain but I didn't know what. The joy I felt was gone, replaced by curiosity, replaced by fear. The oxygen wasn't fresh and I knew that something was wrong, but what?
%26quot;What are you looking for?%26quot; Carlos asked.
%26quot;I don't know, something.%26quot; I replied.
I walked around the statue but didn't see anything, everything was clear but the feeling I had wasn't gone. Thats when I saw it. The fountain's water was covered in dark red liquid and when I touched it, more appeared, spreading down the angels' faces, coming out of their eyes. My hand touched something in the liquid water and i pulled it back. A body then appeared. A teenager like me, but the only difference was that she was pale, floating in red liquid.
%26quot;Oh My God!%26quot; I yelled and fell backwards. I screamed in fear; tears escaped my eyes and when I saw the blood on my hands, I screamed even more.
Carlos immediately came by my side, saw my hands and didn't bother to ask what I had seen; He went to the fountain, took out a wacky talky from his pocket and started to holler in a foreign language. %26quot;She hasn't even arrived and they are trying to scare the hell out of her!%26quot; he finally said in English.
Ten minutes later, more people came, surrounding the scenery , surrounding me. Teenagers eyed my hands and gasped, angels examined the fountain, also gasping, but everyones attention, including mine, were on the men that were trying to pull the dead body out of the fountain. When I had a clearer view of the girl, I could stand, but puke my guts out. She was entirely naked with scratches all over her body, holes on her neck, hands and feet but what made me puke was?
%26quot;Her heart is missing, %26quot; a man said.
Thank You!GIVE YOUR HONEST OPINIONS FOR MY THIRD CHAPTER FOR TEN POINTS?Well, it was good. I would add just a bit more description to the beginning of it because I was having trouble following what was going on. But then again, its your third chapter so if I had read the first two, I doubt this would be necessary. I think theres a good plot to it, and over all I thinks its pretty good.GIVE YOUR HONEST OPINIONS FOR MY THIRD CHAPTER FOR TEN POINTS?I agree with everyone else.
More description and detail is needed besides that, good.
keep working at it.GIVE YOUR HONEST OPINIONS FOR MY THIRD CHAPTER FOR TEN POINTS?hmmm okay i love it but you could improve a little.for example by adding more descripion and detail to what you are explaining.and the story sounds good i hope i gets better because the story right here captured my interest but it was a kind of mild exitement if you know what i mean.anyways in general i really love it but you need to improvw a tiny bit.GIVE YOUR HONEST OPINIONS FOR MY THIRD CHAPTER FOR TEN POINTS?Honestly- I think it needs some more work - More description, Better dialogue and maybe some more explanations. I like it but I would like it even more If you worked on it a bit more.
