So i need to present an original poem tomorrow for school %26amp; i am feeling too lazy to make up a new one so i decided i'd just read an old one that kind of sucks. However, I don't want to completely embarrass myself in front of everyone especially since the poem is kind of emo-y and in real life i'm generally a pretty happy person. SO yeah. Please give me your feed back on whether I should say my poem of if i should write a new one or if i should make some changes to the one i have now:
How to Relax Efficiently:
It was one of those days.
One of those horrible, twisted, cruel days where
Nothing goes right. The omnipotent powers
Must be looking down on me, laughing bitterly
at my Anguish. At my mistakes; at what I should have done
Right, but have failed at miserably. That boy,
That test, those girls ?all failures, regrets, misgivings.
The final bell rings ?the harsh clang Resonating in my ears
as I rush out of this chalk boarded Prison towards my car.
Home is the single coherent thought my mind has formed
since the bell has rung. The only word I can focus on as I
precariously speed an easy 10, 15, now 25 miles over the speed limit
until Finally. I am finally home. Collapsing on my bed, I grab
My headphones from my desk, and slide them over my tired,
Throbbing head until they are entirely encompassing my aching ears.
Suddenly, all is quiet ?a thick, heavy silence has blanketed
The entire universe with the exception of the steady thumping of my
heart. I press shuffle on my IPod, spin the sound wheel until
It has reached maximum volume, and let the mellifluous sounds
Crash over me like ocean waves crashing over a sandy shore.
And all is right with the world once more.How Horrible is My Poem (pleaseplease give me your opinion)?It might be interesting to pen a new one--just jot a few lines down and see where it goes. It probably doesn't need to be that long. To be honest I've only skimmed this, but from what I'm looking at it sounds more like prose than poetry. On the other hand you could touch it up and make it more poetic to fit the bill. Good luck!How Horrible is My Poem (pleaseplease give me your opinion)?Gurrl dat be way too longg fo
me too readd
shirten datt shyyytteee downnn
shoot imma tell you one thing no
black girl will
eva read it
we be havin short attention spansHow Horrible is My Poem (pleaseplease give me your opinion)?I actually really like that, you should make a song out of it as well. :) I sure would with a talent with words like that! i really like it hun!How Horrible is My Poem (pleaseplease give me your opinion)?It's not bad as an essay, but I don't know if you can pass it off as a poem. Still, it's better than most of the stuff I've heard college kids recite in coffee houses.How Horrible is My Poem (pleaseplease give me your opinion)?Well... This is very solid. I am by no means an expert of poetry but I enjoy it. If you are up to it (and most of the time I do not like big change-ups) I would elaborate more on the metaphor of how school is prison and use similes and allusions in that way to develop one thought. It would make it sound less emo-y as you put it and it will give it a more definite layering. Rather than school sucks, school is a prison and we are its inmates. With the escapism in the last part, I liked the ocean imagery. You should reinstate that this is freedom- freedom to be what you want to be by expressing yourself in the musical sense. By taking this poem and developing it into two clear parts and making the ideas flow a little better it would be great. I'm sorry if I wrote too much or something but I just finished A202 at my high school and I absolutely love this sort of thing. Please post how this goes though lol.How Horrible is My Poem (pleaseplease give me your opinion)?I thought it was pretty good.
Obviously, you don't feel like it's horrible or else you wouldn't of posted it on the internet.
