My 4 year old son is exhibiting horrendous behaviors fairly suddenly. We never had a problem with hitting or kicking, etc. He used to be happy to help and friendly all the time. The fun %26quot;strategies%26quot; that we used to use to encourage him to clean his room, not scream, etc. aren't working anymore.
He recently began his second year of preschool, and he seems to enjoy it. The last couple of times that I've picked him up, he's said, %26quot;I'm waiting on my mommy. You're not my mommy.%26quot; At first I thought that it was just a game that he was playing and I tried to make light of it, but quickly realized that he sincerely did not want to go with me. Not wanting to make a public scene, I always end up coaxing him to the car (which takes a LONG time), and yesterday I had to physically put him in the car. I gave him warning (If you don't get in the car on your own then you can't watch your TV show tonight). In the car he screamed about not getting to watch it. We got home, he tried turning on the TV, I stuck to my guns, and he yelled at me. %26quot;I don't love you anymore! I hate you!%26quot; He kept trying to pull open the doors of the TV armoire. He refused to go to his room to calm down, and I was not about to forcibly hold him down to go to time out, but I was determined to not let him watch TV. He hit me, he threw blocks at me, he ended up losing his TV for the rest of the day. I then found out that he had taken a toy home from school, informed him that we would be taking it back today, and got yelled at - %26quot;I'm NOT taking it back! It's MINE now! I FOUND it!%26quot;
He doesn't exhibit any sort of violent behavior at school. The problem is that in my efforts to remain calm and not yell at him, I usually end up crying. He shows no remorse when this happens (maybe because he's accustomed to it).
So what do I do in a situation where there is a power struggle? I don't want to be physical with him because I don't want him to think that it's okay to push people around when you don't get your way. I can't just LET him watch TV when I've taken it away as a punishment. I can't just LET him stay at school. If I make suggestions for something else to do, he'll cross his arms and say, %26quot;No, I want THIS.%26quot; If I get strict, %26quot;Look at me. You can NOT blah blah,%26quot; then he turns it around and repeats it back to me. If he doesn't get his way, he will try to hit me ceaselessly, literally chasing after me. In that situation, how do you regain the upper hand?
In addition to his huge breakdowns, there are little problems that worry me. He refuses to tell us about what he did at school. He used to love to learn new things to the point of being obsessive, but now he acts like he doesn't want to do anything except play with toys. He refuses to help around the house. If I'm excited and positive about something, he will be negative and refuse. If I make ANY request of him, 90% of the time he'll respond with something like, %26quot;No, I'm too tired.%26quot; Or %26quot;No, I'm playing right now.%26quot; I don't want to constantly threaten him with consequences for every little disobedience, because then we'd be arguing all day. I want positivity and happiness back in our home, and I'm worried that if we don't nip it in the bud now these problems will leak into school. Everything is an argument, and I feel like he is full of pure, unadulterated spite. All of this has gone back only a month or two, and we haven't had any major life changes to help explain his behavior changes.
Thanks in advance for your suggestions.How do I get back parental control over a 4 year old?My kids are teenagers now, but when they were at that age, it seems that when I figured out one behavior, they went into another. What worked best for me is love. Especially with my daughter.. I would pick her up, tell her how smart she is, how pretty, how she learned how to do something that day, how she helped with something, etc. I covered everything I could think of, then went into the undesired behavior. I ALWAYS told her how proud I was of her, and NEVER said that SHE was bad, only the BEHAVIOR did not do her justice. That she is much better than that, and gave her an example of how to communicate herself differently. When you drop your son off at school, make plans for immediately after school, (ice cream works) Make it something crazy like this...%26quot;When I pick you up from school, we can go to Baskin Robbins and sample all the flavors, just 'cuz you're my guy, ok?%26quot; Be his buddy, maybe he'll open up to you as to what is going on at school. Good luck :)How do I get back parental control over a 4 year old?Obviously it's something he's picked up at Preschool. Go in and speak with his teachers. There's something very wrong here, if it continues, you're sunk! No more suggestions, a good swat will correct him, quickly. Taking things away does no good. You are the parent, stand your ground, no child should rule their parents. That's what's wrong with today's society, too many parents are giving in to children!How do I get back parental control over a 4 year old?Ok I heard what you said that you don't want to be physical but honey your 4 yr old needs his butt whipped. There is nothing wrong with a good old fashion butt whipping out of love. I am sure you got beat when you was little and you turned out ok. Your son need to know you are the parent and he is the child. Nip this in the bud because it will get worse.
Oh and he hit you and threw something at you.....Girl I wish my 23 month old would try that just 1 time will be enough and she will remember never to try it again!How do I get back parental control over a 4 year old?I wish I could tell you what to do. I'm having the same problem with my son. But it is at school that we are having the problem. He is hitting, kicking, and spitting on other kids. He loves to be at home. He will not listen to he teacher or any adult at his school. He is suspended from school tomorrow. And if he don't straighten up after that he will be dis-enrolled. I wish you all the luck in the world. The only thing I can tell you is call his doctor. He/she should be able to give you advice.How do I get back parental control over a 4 year old?Show him back that you're the boss. If he takes something, make him take it back and explain why he did it. If you have to push him into the car and hold him down to get him in his seat, do it. Don't hesitate to spank when he gets wild.
