Maine Jokes
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maine: For Sale
Maine: You can spit on Canada from here
You Know You're in Maine:
If you own more than four pair of gloves.
If every other vehicle is a 4X4.
If camping is allowed it's only in steel sided campers.
If, when the sun goes down, you start looking for your coat.
If in March your vehicle is 43% mud.
If you leave your keys in your car and the next morning your car is still there.
If you're on the shoulder of the highway with your hood up and somebody stops to help you.
If you can pay for six big macs with a personal check.
If drive by shootings only occur on the evening news.
If your central heating system is fueled by large logs.
If you see numerous chauffeur-driven dogs.
If you can see the stars at night.
If people drive 100 miles to shop in a real mall.
If a deer throws itself under your wheels.
If you got a set of new snow tires for Valentines day.
If more than 1/2 the meat in your freezer is moose.
If the term %26quot;chill factor%26quot; is part of your daily vocabulary.
If the bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.
If you only paid $5 to cut down your own douglas fir christmas tree.
If you enjoy a hot chocolate more than you do a margarita.
If a girls basketball game fill's the school gym.
If you put the car heater on your list of best friends.
If you pawned a snow blower instead of a set of golf clubs.
If dressing up means wearing a tie with your flannel shirt.
If you think you're in a traffic jam when you're in the second car at the light.
If you don't use your blinker because everyone already knows where you're going.
If your long john's don't come off until mid-May
Ten Dollahs
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said %26quot; Ya know Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.%26quot;
and every year Martha would say %26quot;I know Stumpy, but that ihplane ride costs ten dollahs.... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.%26quot;
So Stumpy says %26quot; By Jeebers Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go.%26quot;
Martha replies %26quot; Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs...and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.%26quot;
So the pilot overhears them and says %26quot; Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars.%26quot;
They agree and up they go.... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard, he does it one more time, still nothing... so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says %26quot; By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't.%26quot;
And Stumpy replies %26quot; Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out...but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!
Maine Winters
Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire.
After a long pause, he grunted and said, %26quot;That's good. I couldn't take another one of these Maine winters.%26quot;
The Teethbrush
Research had been going on for many years in regard to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study, the researchers came to their conclusion about the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in Maine.
Intrigued by the discovery, the media asked the researchers how they came to this conclusion.
The researchers all agreed that it was simple deduction: %26quot;If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.%26quot;
Maine Temperature Conversion Chart
60 above zero
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat....
People in Maine plant gardens.
50 above zero
Californians shiver uncontrollably.......
People in Maine sunbathe.
40 above
Italian cars won't start.....
People in Maine drive with the windows down.
32 above
Distilled water freezes.....
Moosehead Lak's water gets thicker (for non-Mainers, this is a lake in Maine)
20 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.....
People in Maine throw on a sweatshirt.
15 above
New York landlords finally turn up the heat....
People in Maine have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
zero degrees
People in Miami cease to exist....
Mainers lick the flagpole.
-20 below
Californians fly away to Mexico....
People in Maine get out their winter coats.
-40 below
Hollywood disintergrates.....
The girl scouts in Maine begin selling cookies door to door.
-60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica
Maine's Boy Scouts postpone %26quot;WinterState of Maine jokes.?The only state east of the Mississippi that I would live in would be Maine my friend.
Excellent as always.
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