I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I know how to advice her better………
While Jane Doe has been with this guy just over a year, and over the past few months she informed me that he had changed, he seems to respect her a bit less. She then told me he had a bit of an anger problem. I asked her to explained and she said part of it was a family thing the other part she just didn’t get….he yells at her….she was in a store and he had kinda yelled her when she was a bit pissed cause a car cut her off and she yelled like most do and he yelled at her for it. while they went into the store and she stood by his side with her head hung… and he stand she look like a returned 2year old like that………..a few weeks later Jane was tired and didn’t want to have “relations” with her boyfriend John Doe, and she said she just remembers being have a sleep and sick and he kinda made her be with him………..then on v-day they got to a big fight and she called me up crying……..they fought and argue about a few thing like about ground hog day how they got in a big fight a screaming match and she yelled back saying don’t ever talk to me that way…and he said maybe someone should so on v-day they argue about things and she said don’t talk to be that way and trued to walk away and John grabbed her wrist which he re-injured and then she starting crying and he yelled at her for crying and like 5min later through a remote at her which almost hit her pet…………….once he went to shower she called me and told me all this and I was frozen with shock………..he has started to have a bit of less respect for her and her apartment, it seems………….while I know she is deeply in love with John and wants to marry him and he told me when I tried to talk to john about his girl my friends Jane and he wouldn’t really talked about but to say he does love her and one day wants to marry her
After reading this, if it was you or your friend, what would you do or what would you say to your friend; please help me so I can help Jane, and help to advice her betterI need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowYou%26#039;re friend seems to know that this relationship is Toxic or else she wouldn%26#039;t have come to you for help. And that is exactly what she is doing by calling you and telling you all this. This is a desperate plee for help!
Get her out of the house he lives in! If that means waiting till he%26#039;s at work and gathering a few of her things and leaving, or an all out running out of the apartment and abandoning all her belongings- so be it!
She may fight the prospect of leaving her home just because he is there but it is the quickest, safest way to remove her from this abusive relationship, while at the same time avoiding confrontation with him that could escalate the problem to real violence for either her or you.
She will need a safe place to stay and somebody to go to the police to get a restraining order with her. Both of these can be arranged after she%26#039;s away from him, but should be taken care of as soon as possible.
I know that all I%26#039;m telling you is directed more at what You need to Do verses what you need to Say to Her, but she%26#039;s already got herself to the point where she is scared enough to call you, so if she does need something said, it%26#039;s not gonna be much.
Just remind her that Love is not supposed to cause Fear, or Pain. That making her feel bad about herself, instead of like a goddess is not love. That even if he%26#039;s perfect 90% of the time, when the 10% makes you cry like she has been, that he isn%26#039;t good enough. That making the choice to leave him is the strong, mature, brave thing to do- and it isn%26#039;t giving up. That she can%26#039;t change him, and by staying he will only end up hurting her more (even if he loves her- he may not be able to help it).
You%26#039;ve just got to support her. Don%26#039;t bad mouth him, it%26#039;ll only make her protective. And as soon as she agrees with you to leave him- Take Her! Don%26#039;t let her wait a day. Don%26#039;t let her think about it. Don%26#039;t let her go back and get her stuff. If she wants her things get her dad, or yours, or a police escort, and go back and get them. It may even be better if she didn%26#039;t go herself at all.
But please keep yourself safe too. NEVER confront him, especially alone by yourself. If he would hurt your friend- who he loves- he could get very dangerous towards you who are trying to take her away. Please don%26#039;t let this discourage you from being the great friend you already are. But if you really don%26#039;t think you can help her yourself. Tell somebody else who you think will. It%26#039;s not a betrayal of her trust- it%26#039;s Saving Her Life!I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowwow thats long!I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowTell Jane to run......it will only get worse.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowIf i were you i would go on a double date with %26quot;Jane%26quot;? and her boyfriend and see how they really react to eachother instead of her just telling you.Then u can work something out
hopedd i helpeddd!!x0xI need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowTell her that she shouldnt marry him. Unless she wants to divorce him a week later. If he is treating her like this she shouldnt marry him! And he definetly doesnt love her if he is acting this way! Sorry.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowI would advise her to leave him. What he is doing to her is abuse mentally and physicallly. I understand that she loves him but love can only go so far. Things will only get worse, not better in situations like that. The worse thing that she could do is marry him and be stuck in a relationship like that for ever with the abuse being worse. Then she would have to deal with divorce and etc. Its best to get out now. Explain to her that she is a sweet person and deserves a guy that respects her and treats her good and doesnt fly off the handle over things. a guy should never hit a girl!I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowHe%26#039;s an abusive jerk and she needs to get rid of him as soon as possible. Any man who %26quot;makes%26quot; you have sex or grabs your wrists or belittles you is a punk-a** and should be thrown out the door (or window). She doesn%26#039;t have to put up with this creep; there are plenty of other guys out there who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You must convince her of that. If not, she%26#039;s going to call you up crying for many years to come.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowYour friend seems to be in a lot of trouble.He%26#039;s not thinking of her and is being very nasty.It%26#039;s not right and it doesn%26#039;t seem like he loves her.I think she should get rid of him i know it seems hard but he%26#039;s not acting like he cares about her by making her cry all the time.She obviously knows it%26#039;s not right by telling you all this so i hope you can convince her to see that he%26#039;s changed and might not be able to change back to the person she fell in love with.Hope this helps you and her xI need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowI would get some pamphlets from the police department on domestic abuse. Then I would get her alone and show her the pamphlets and tell her that you are doing this because you care about her and think she is in an abusive relationship and she should get out of it before he really hurts her. Tell her if she needs to talk to someone you are there. And help her in any way you can. But she really needs to wake up and get rid of him before it gets worse. Because it will get worse. There are places and people who will help her. If she needs to get an ex parte (order of protection) against him then get one. You just have to go to the county court. If your not sure who to contact about domestic abuse, the police department can help with that too. Good luck with your friend.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowIt sounds like an unhealthy relationship. She has to make the first move and indicate that she wants to leave him, otherwise no matter what you say she will defend his behavior. There is nothing you can do until then.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowTell her that she needs to %26quot;cut his A $ s loose%26quot; he%26#039;s not worth it, straight like that.. although it may not be easy, that%26#039;s what she needs to do.. how old is she? How old is he?I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowTell your friend she should get rid of him and if she doesn%26#039;t then that means she must like it and you can%26#039;t help somebody if she doesn%26#039;t want to be helpedI need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowif she stays with him or marries him, the situation WILL get worse. no doubt about it. and it WILL esculate to the point where he is beating her. she needs to get out NOW!!! call the police to get him, throw his stuff out, move, change her number, new car, the whole nine. she isnt safe! and you need to tell her that. this is not a relationship she wants. God doesnt give you trash, but when you find it, ad you learn its trash, get rid of it! I have lost family members who started in situations like this. they thought everything would work out. they thought if THEY changed, the man woul be happy. but thats NEVER the case. he will never be happy with her. and he will make her unhappy with her self. my aunt killed herself over a man like that, and my cousin was killed. please dont let it get that far. please give he this information before its to late. i dont want another woman to be torn down because she cant see what God is telling her and the red flags he threw up for her to see.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowTell her to kick him to the curb immediately she is in DANGER!!!
Next buy her a book on Co-dependency or battered woman This won%26#039;t fix him but will teach her not to put up with this kind of treatment from anybody. Only he can fix himself looking for help.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowI%26#039;VE GIVEN SOME OF THE BEST ADVICE TO MY FRIENDS CONCERNING RELATIONSHIPS, SOME TOOK IT AND OTHERS DIDN%26#039;T. I HAVE ALSO RECEIVED ADVICE FROM FRIENDS CONCERNING MY RELATIONSHIPS FROM FRIENDS BUT IN THE END THATS NOT WHAT I BASED MY DECISIONS ON. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE THE BEST INTENTIONS FOR JANE, THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS BE HONEST, POINT OUT THE FACTS AND LET THEM SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. SOMETIMES ITS EASIER TO LET HER SPEAK HER MIND AND OFFER ADVICE THAT DOESN%26#039;T SOUND LIKE ADVICE, SHE WILL BE MORE APT TO TAKE IT. LET JANE KNOW THAT YOU ARE HER FRIEND AND WANT THE BEST FOR HER, BUT DON%26#039;T MOTHER HER, SHE WILL RESENT YOU FOR %26quot;I TOLD YOU SO%26#039;S%26quot; IF WORSE COMES TO WORSE, ASK JANE HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE%26#039;S BAD RELATIONSHIP AND BASE YOUR ADVISE ON HER REPONSE.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowWhile it%26#039;s admirable that you want to help your friend, there%26#039;s nothing you can do except to be there for her.
From what you%26#039;ve wrote here, it doesn%26#039;t seem like they are having more than the usual amount of fights for any couple. However, if he is hitting her that%26#039;s a different story.
There%26#039;s really nothing you can do about that either. You can%26#039;t change anyone. People can only change themselves and they rarely do so. If he is hitting her, he has an anger/control problem that only he can change. She can maintain the relationship by accepting his behavior, or she can leave. No one can make that choice for her.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowIt sounds abusive. Abusers start out like anyone else and they slowly start to control you. They take away your self confidence and try to seperate you from your friends and family.
Unfortunately, you can tell her she should leave or she should talk to someone about it like a counselor or church leader but it probably won%26#039;t do any good if she feels she%26#039;s in love with him.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowHe lost all respect for her. He didn%26#039;t just lose some. He has a control addiction, and she is his fuel and source. Whether he truly loves her or not, his addiction to control her is stronger. She clearly can%26#039;t see that this is abuse. This, unfortunately, isn%26#039;t something that can be fix with a few talks between her and her husband. It doesn%26#039;t work that way. Sadly, for as long as she%26#039;s with him, he%26#039;s most likely going to continue this, at an increasing rate. It will very soon become much more physical, however, the psychological reasoning behind physical/mental abuse is all the same. She%26#039;s going to need to get out of this marriage, if she wants anything to get better. You can pretty much think of her as a drug. When she%26#039;s around, he gets the urge to use that drug (abuse her). It%26#039;s just like putting heroin in front of an addict; the need to use is that much stronger. He has a serious problem. She needs to get out. That%26#039;s much easier said than done, as her head is very messed up right now. She needs to get her head sorted out before she%26#039;ll be able to realize what%26#039;s going on and get the courage to get out.
HeathI need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowoh my!
this isnt a healthy relationship at all obviously...
i dont really think jane knows the danger or pain she%26#039;s puttin herself thru b/c love makes u blind.
if he is actin this way to her it will only get worse.
she needs to end things with him...as hard as it may be ...its somethin she needs to do and even if you tell her she isnt gonna listen u need to find a way to show her and make her realizze how this guy is treatin her.
she needs to see this for herself...
i was in a similar situation minus the anger issues but my guy changed and iwas too hardheaded to listen ot my friends...it took me a while but i eventually saw it and got away.
ur friend needs to get away before its too late.
i mean those feelings arent gonna go away just like that..its gonna take awhile and its gonna hurt; nobody said it was gonna be easy. but whenever she does start to see it its important for u as her friend to support her and be there for her and help her thru thid hard time.
keep her distracted so she wont think ab it as much,
i promise it will get easier everyday.
tell ur friend good luck and i hope i could help a little bit.I need to ask advice; I have this friend and I will call Jane Doe, to protect her….I need your help so I knowif John Doe haves an anger problem he should seek help... tell your friend that she should try and talk to her bf and let him know that the way he is treating her is not right. and that if he grabs her again she shall report him.
also tell your friend that when people have anger problems if they do not get help it will only get worse. and she should be very careful !!!! but truly it is very hard to get involved with other peoples problems if you say the wrong thing and neither of the 2 like hearing it. you now become the bad friend and they will no longer want your friendship...its truly a tuff decision you will have to make. GOOD LUCK..
