Sorry for re-posting this : S
Haven't had many answers. What do you think? :) thanks x
Prologue
I could feel. I could think. It wasn檛 like it was always described in books, or how it was shown in films. It was the single most excruciating experience of my life so far and that檚 what shocked me. The pain and the finality of it, the sudden thought in my head that screamed: 楾his is happening!?And begged me to fall into sub consciousness. The blood didn檛 bewilder me. So many times, I檇 seen an actor put his hand to his stomach and pull it away again, unable to comprehend what he saw.
But for better or for worse, I had a perfect understanding of what was happening to me and why. Forcing myself to look down at my stomach, I tried to block out the flare of scorching pain caused by the bullet. Could it only have been moments ago that it had shot me to the ground? That couldn檛 be right; everything had been going exactly as we檇 planned.
No. I pushed those thoughts from my head to save for another time. Charlie. Even in this situation ?lying slumped on the ground with a bullet in my stomach, not knowing where anyone was ?Charlie was still the most important thing. The reason for all this lying, this effort, this pain, was so that I could save him. Death was the only thing that would stand in my way, and I refused to let that happen.
It was then that I heard his voice.
He screamed my name with such terror that it ripped a jagged path through me like a knife, more agonizing, more heart wrenching than the bullet. My eyes were sharp and focused as I raised them - raised them and realised where I was.
Realised what was happening.
楴o,?I whispered. 楴o!?br>
Chapter 1 ?It Began with a Bang
All I heard was the screech of tires. The very smell of fear was already rising into the air and settling into a dull haze that would hover around the onlookers for the rest of the night. I knew it was only seconds before the screams of terror and shock broke the atmosphere.
Seconds ago I had lead my friends away from school and onto the edge of the main road that ran past. A slip of footing was all it had taken, and then the car was hurtling towards me. No time to think, no time to feel. Just to see. It was only metres away when I saw the drivers face. Desperation, resolution and shock were all clearly displayed in his expression. It檚 only now that I realise that the reason this one expression hit my heart with such a heavy thud, was because it surely meant that yes: the car would hit me and the outcome would either be very serious injury, or death.
I had just inhaled a long, rattling breath when I was knocked from the ground. But it wasn檛 by the car. Disorientated, I tore through the air as the car streaked past ?missing be by millimetres. I slammed back onto the ground, on the opposite side of the road. The breath forced out of me, I coughed and choked on nothing. It was only when oxygen managed to flow back through my body that I could raise my head and look to my side. There lay the man who had just saved my life.
This is just a first draft, so i know I need to add more info on characters and stuff. Sorry if it doesn't make much sense right now. And, yeah it is going somewhere :) I'd like to know if it changes your opinion that I'm 14, cos my english teacher seems to be 'softening the blows' on some of my work, seeing as I'm a pupil.Does this keep you reading? What do you think..?I don't have the time to read all of it, but I read half of the prologue. Absolutely yes. Your description is marvelous!Does this keep you reading? What do you think..?I personally like it! its quite well written, However there are parts where you might consider writing shorter sentences to make the action seem faster, maybe the part of %26quot;I had just inhaled...%26quot;. Apart from that, I quite like it! About adding info to the characters, maybe in the continuation of the 1st chapter. The prologue did get my attention and I really wanted to know what had happened. I suppose that just after the extract of the first chapter you'll start to include the names of the characters, at least those who are protagonists... It seems good! way to go! :)Does this keep you reading? What do you think..?I think that it's really good !! it is a real talent you have, even with the little information of the story that is posted. I'm 13 and I am an avid reader, like, 6000 pages in a day and I am also trying to write a book:) It definitely had me hooked and I wanted to keep reading! I really like your imagery and the fact that your 14 is great and doesn't change my opinion at all. The guy who wrote
%26quot;Inheritance Trilogy%26quot; (which was Eragon, Eldest, and Brisignr) was 15 and he was very successful!
WOO! :p very nice
